Scattered
by everythingless
Summary: My name is Jack and that's all I know. They say that it's for the best that I've forgotten everything. They've suggested that I try to move on and build a new life for myself. It's hard though, when all I've got is this new mismatched family and book full of my thoughts. How am I going to be a new person If I can't even remember who I was? Au,Ah.


_**November 3rd.**_

Dear Diary,

Does that sound stupid or what? Guys aren't supposed to have feelings, let alone diaries! Okay, so maybe I'm over exaggerating, just a little. Really though, I'd like to make it perfectly clear that this wasn't my idea. It's those damn nurses! They insist that keeping a diary will help me "keep my thoughts organized". Yes, this is ridiculous, but I am giving it a shot, just to say I tried.

I guess I'll start with the facts, though there aren't many.

Fact One: I can't remember a thing.

I woke up here in this hospital just a few days ago. Apparently I've been here for longer than just a few days, mostly sleeping. What a mess it was when I did wake up. I didn't recognize a single a face, and there was plenty of them. Nurses hovering around me, all of them wanted to know how I was feeling. Confused, I told them I was very confused. So one nurse, Nurse Jess, sent all the other nurses out and asked me a whole bunch of questions. "Do you know where you are?" "Do you know who you are?" "Do you remember how you got here?" Nope, Nope, Nope. I couldn't answer any of her questions and by then I was really panicking. Nurse Jess told me I'm in a hospital and assured me that I'm safe. Then she went and got the big guns, a guy named Dr. Moon.

he's got ash gray hair and these gray eyes that kinda glow when the light hits them. He's really tall so he's always looking down on me. The guy is nice enough, but I do have a bone to pick with him.

Fact Number Two: My name is Jack.

I know this because Dr. Moon told me so. That's all he'll tell me though. No matter how much I beg and plead Dr. Moon says that I don't need to know more. They say I'm repressing my memories, hiding them away from myself in some unreachable part of my brain. "Isn't that cool? Your brain is protecting you from bad memories!" The nurses say. I guess it's cool, in a sense, but I would sure like to know what it is that I'm hiding from myself.

"This is your chance to start your life anew, Jack," This is the last thing Dr. Moon told me before running off to care for other patients. Man, that makes me mad, how could he just tell me my name and then leave me? Is it even legal for people to just outright refuse to tell someone who they are? And how can "start my life anew"if I don't even know how my life was before?

Anyways, I don't like to dwell on it. If I try to hard to remember I give myself a headache. I figure they'll come back when they're good and ready. For now though I get to bask in the comfort of this wonderful hospital! It smells like chemicals, the food is a variety of different flavored mush, and the tv gets 10 whole channels! Oh wow, I hope sarcasm translates onto paper.

Well, I think my thoughts are all organized now. I don't think this whole diary thing is for me. I suppose this will be my first and last entry.

Goodbye, my not so dear diary.

_**November 5th.**_

Alright so I guess I lied. I didn't mean to lie, I swear! I really thought my first entry would be my last, I did not at all plan on writing this. The thing is, I didn't know I'd get this lonely.

There's nothing to do here. Sure the hospital's got a rec room, but it's mostly for children. Not to mention all the kids are sick and it makes me feel horrible. These kids are seriously sick, but they all stay happy. Yet here I am whining because I can't remember anything. Jeez, I suck.

I tried watching tv but it's channels aren't the most interesting. There's only so much Dora The Explorer, animal documentaries, and cooking shows a guy can take.

So for awhile I was just left with my thoughts. At first I thought about why I'm here. I mean I'm not sick and I don't have any broken bones, so why am I here? I've really gotta ask Nurse Jess. You think they would have atleast told me this, right?

Back to why I'm writing this though, and then I'll go ask Nurse Jess. Long story short, I have no one else to talk to. Sure the Nurses are here and are always cracking lame jokes (What did one leaf say to the others when it fell of the tree? I'm leafin!) But other than that it's just me here in this room. I _need_ to talk to someone, and I figure that talking to a book is better than talking to myself. So I guess you're stuck with me now, dear diary. I think I'll re name you though. Jack's Manly Book of Manly Thoughts, That has a nice ring to it, right?

Alright, I'm off to ask Jess some questions.

_**November 6th**_

I spent almost the whole night talking to Jess and I don't regret it all. I got some answers and I'm going to share them with you.

First and foremost, the whole dilemma of how I got into this place. Well get this, I fell into a freezing pond. Yup, I must have been a real klutz but that's apparently what happened. Jess says I was lucky because Dr. Moon was on a walk and he saw me fall in and managed to get me out. I was mostly fine except I was very cold, so Dr. Moon brought me here and made sure I got warm. I guess there's still alot of gaps there, like how did I fall into a pond? What was I doing before? But I'm just so happy to know just a little.

Then I asked Jess about something that's really been bugging me, where's my family? Don't they care that I'm in the hospital? Do they even know? Jess's face got all grave and her voice lowered and she told me that I probably don't want to know the answer.

She doesn't understand, I really do want to know. I know now that something bad must have happened to them, Jess's face said it all. Is this why I'm storing my memories away? Did they all die in a horrible accident? I feel terrible. More than that I feel alone. What if I don't have any family at all? What if I never remember? What If I'm stuck here at this hospital? I sure hope I'm not, I don't think I could stand it.

_**November 7th**_

Couldn't sleep. All night I was tossing and turning all because of a stupid nightmare. The dream started off nice, I was playing with this sweet little girl with brown hair and brown eyes. We were having fun and then everything got dark and the girl started screaming. I couldn't see anything through the darkness, not the ground or the sky or even my hands right infront of my face. The girl kept screaming for help and there was nothing I could do, it was horrible. I woke up then and my room was dark and my heart was trying to beat it's way straight out of my chest.

Looking back on it now the nightmare doesn't sound so scary, but I swear it was. That little girl and her screams were so real, I can still hear them ringing in my head. I wish I could've helped her. How could I have just made up something so real? Oh, I'm very afraid that it wasn't a nightmare, that it was really part of a memory. I don't want to think about it. If that girl was real and I really couldn't help her then I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

_**November 8th**_

Today consisted of two good things and one bad thing. So I'm going to tell you about a good thing, then the bad thing, and then the other good thing. I figure squishing the bad thing between the good things will make it seem less bad.

Good Thing Number One

I was pretty bored and kind of jumping around my room. A nurse came in and boy was she mad. She told me to sit right down and put the tv on, I told her that I am a growing boy and growing boys have alot of energy. She made this hmph noise then trotted off. I was sure she was going to tattle on me, tell Jess I was being a hooligan or something. She came back though and instead of giving me trouble she sent me down to the rec room.

At first I was pretty upset with her because there isn't to much to do in the rec room. I sat down at the crafts table and starting making paper snowflakes. Some of the kids saw and asked if I'd make one for them, so I did. Pretty soon a whole bunch of us were making them. We ended up with a huge pile of them, which we decided to throw around the room. It was snowing paper! The nurses weren't pleased at all, they groaned at the sight of the mess and needless to say I ended up having to clean it all. Oh well, it was probably the most fun I've had in days.

The Bad Thing

After I cleaned up the paper snow I took a shower. It was all fine one second and then the next second I wasn't in the shower anymore. I was in a very cold and dark place and I couldn't breathe, couldn't feel my body, coudn't see, I couldn't do anything. It was terrifying, I thought I was dying. It only lasted for a moment though and then I was back in the shower and everything was fine. I told Jess about it and she says it was probably a flashback.

I've got to say that if this is what remembering feels like then I'm not really looking forward to it.

Good Thing Number Two

I'm getting out of this damn hospital! Woohoo! Dr. Moon came just an hour ago and told me that tomorrow some people are coming To visit me and if all things go well I'll be going to live with them. Maybe these people are my family, maybe I got it all wrong and nothing happened to them. They could have just been very busy and now they've finished their business and are coming for me. I know it's unlikely but I can hope, right? Either way I'm pretty excited to be getting out of here. Don't worry my dear journal, I'll be taking you with me, You'll be right with me as I start my life anew.

**AN: **

**I don't know, I just wanted to try writing a fanfic. Sorry if how it's written is weird or if it's just plain bad.**


End file.
